


I had a Good day today

by Pure Angst (Luke_2020)



Series: Too Broken to Love [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luke_2020/pseuds/Pure%20Angst
Summary: For the first time in over a month, Connor had a good day.
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor
Series: Too Broken to Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922662
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	I had a Good day today

Connor woke up on a Tuesday. He waved his father off to work before heading out the door himself. Connor buckled up and put on his favorite music. The road ahead of him he has traveled many times. Pulling out of his driveway, Connor couldn’t help but to remember the last he heard from what were his four closest friends. 

It will be a whole month tomorrow, and he has thought about them every single day. It was mostly a singular block of text from Echo.

_ “You started acting better than us… You basically said that I had no talent. You were too critical of Kara’s project even though she worked there longer than you. Ripple just doesn’t think you like her so that’s why she doesn’t want to hang out with you… You were very hurtful. I was just going to blow you off, but Kara told me that you stopped by her place to talk.” _

_ “I’m so sorry. I never meant to be hurtful, but I was. I was overcompensating by acting that I was a better person than I was because I didn’t want you to get sick of me and my insecurities.” _

_ “Well I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve seen your behavior before. I’m used to being treated this way, but Kara and Luther are not. If anything, you should be apologizing to them. I’m getting ready for work.” _

And Connor did. He sent out four personalized apologies. And never got a response. He had to delete their numbers and conversations from his phone to make sure that he could never contact them again as per request. The fallout left with a very broken Connor who tried using a random stranger on the internet as a personal therapist, until they got enough of his shit (Who could blame them?).

Connor got to his workplace and parked the car. He turned on his desktop and finished up a report of the company’s finances he was working on. Around four hours in, Connor took his lunch break. Lucky for him, everyone seemed wary of him today. Good. He couldn’t stand thinking about having another friend. He checked his phone, and almost threw up at seeing a post from the person on the internet. It had nothing to do with him, but shame and guilt ate right through. He did block them immediately after the ordeal, for his own sake, but decided against it in case they had any last words to say to him. It was a shame, too. They really did like what Connor had to contribute before falling out.

Connor chugged his water bottle to keep his food down and eyes away from the DM conversation he couldn’t figure out how to delete. Ever since then he realized that all of the nice comments were empty voices lying to him. He still posted, but really only for his own benefit or to see that one person who he should just cut contact with while he’s ahead.

After slugging through the day, Connor made it home in the best mood he’s been in all week. His mind kept wandering back to everyone who hates him now, but that’s the usual. Honestly, he probably thought about a poor person on the other side of their phone struggling to read what Connor had written them, Two women who hated him to pieces for good reason, a distraught and hurt girl, and a confused and disappointed man. Connor swears that if he closes his eyes, he can see all of them staring at him as if he were the devil itself. Hell, Connor would join them if he could. 

Connor spent the afternoon on his laptop watching random videos that distracted him from the pain. Four non-productive hours later and Hank is calling him to make dinner. Connor does what he’s told, and for once he felt… normal. It was the first time in a whole month that Connor’s brain finally let him have some peace. At one point, Hank walked past his room. He seemed beaming. 

“Look at you, smiling!” Connor squawked for him to have privacy. So Hank  _ does  _ know that’s  _ something  _ is wrong… Whatever. Connor almost felt violated, that someone saw him smiling without permission. It was just so personal and intimate. If he didn’t cut his cock up he’d rather have flashed his dad then show off the turned corners of his lips. Still, his great mood lasted. Connor had no idea why today was such a good day, but it was.

Out of nowhere, Connor ran into some music that brought back memories. Wounds that never healed, wounds from when he was twelve and younger ripped open. What did Connor do? He kept replaying the handful of songs and imagining. Imaging of what he would do if he ever got to meet his past self. Things he would say, and how he’d be this boy’s hero. Or better yet, what if he went back to situations from too long ago, but as an adult? Oh Connor would be in for murder then… At least he wouldn’t have to care so much about the other inmates around him. He would just be his toxic self to a bunch of assholes who have seen or done worse than little edgy boy here. The delusion was so  _ utterly cathartic.  _ If only Connor could play out his wildest fantasies… Even if he’d be put on death row with his self-harm scars singing to everyone to see, he couldn’t be fucking happier. This headspace of his, of violence and control, he made when he was younger. It’s all fake; Connor would probably never kill another person. But this fantasy, even being fake, made him feel better. Even if it was violent. Even if it was unhealthy, he felt  _ better.  _

That is until dinner was over and Connor obsessively filed through his socials again. Anxiety spiked throughout his body because he didn’t receive the attention he always so desperately craved (He understood why, though. He surely wouldn’t give himself any attention). He got himself to calm down with videos in his recommended… …. One was literally called ‘16 things people who self harm want you to know’. Interesting how some AI knew before his own father… 

At the end of the day, Connor got changed and flopped down on his bed. He curled up on his side, ghosts of people he’s known circled him. A grey blade coated in scarlet called his name. Connor ignored it that night. Why? Because it was the best night in over a month.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah I know this isn't as painful as the earlier works, but it has its own kind of pain that this day, riddled with pain, is considered one of his best. Also comments keep me alive!


End file.
